When we think of conflict, most often we think of the distress it causes us. While some people seem to enjoy conflict, more often people do not enjoy being at odds with one another, especially when the relationship is one of importance such as a family member, friend, coworker, fellow church member, or business associate.
What is our natural response to pain? To stifle and end it, to put it out.
This is also our first, intuitive response to conflict. We try to pretend that conflict doesn’t exist. We change the subject. We may even stop talking or visiting, when things get unpleasant. We tend to do whatever it takes to stop it, to “resolve” the problem and make it “go away”.
But pain can have a positive effect, and so can conflict. Pain is our body’s way of telling us that something is not right, that something needs to change.
Similarly, the discomfort of conflict should raise the question, “is there something we should be doing differently?”
The difference between conflict resolution and conflict transformation is one of attitude and goals. Conflict Resolution merely seeks to “resolve” conflict, to end the discomfort by any means. A judge bangs a gavel and says “so ruled,” and one side wins or loses. That does not mean the sources of the conflict have gone away. Nor does it mean that any real communication has occurred or that either side understands the other any better.
In contrast to this, Conflict Transformation does not place the highest priority on “getting rid of” the expression of disagreement. Instead, Conflict Transformation seeks to transform our experience of conflict from the inside out. Conflict Transformation views conflict as an opportunity — an opportunity to examine a situation, to listen to the needs of an “other”, to understand our own needs more clearly, and then to see if there are avenues for collaboration and cooperation that would enable a better response than the current one. According to the theory of conflict transformation:
Conflict is a natural part of life.
When people have conflict, that means there is change, growth, and engagement in life giving processes of meeting and responding to needs.
Yes, certainly, conflict is usually perceived as uncomfortable or even painful.
Yet is is also true that conflict often offers opportunity to develop new ways of seeing things.
Conflict can be the force that helps us move beyond what “is” and to move toward a more positive “what could be”.
No person exists as an island. Every social and business interaction provides opportunity for interests to collide. Thus, every organization or family experiences conflict.
Conflict offers each of us a moral choice. Everyone has conflict. What matters is how we choose to respond: in negative ways, or positive? Do we respond by attacking each other personally, or by tackling issues? Do we respond in ways that build organizational competence, or which undermine it? Do we respond in ways that promote healing, or in ways that deepen wounds? Do people engage in earnest dialogue to work through issues in ways that deepen understanding and relationships, or rather do they pretend nothing is wrong, disengage, just quit showing, or (at the other end of the spectrum) engage in personal attacks, vendettas, or hostilities?
Conflict transformation also requires a leap of faith, of sorts. Each party is given an opportunity, a moral risk, to relate to the Other in an authentic way. Each takes the chance that the Other will reject that opportunity. Everything is not guaranteed to turn out all right. Everything depends on how we respond to the moral decisions in front of us. Do we choose compassion, or not? Do we choose to be in more authentic relationship and understanding, or not?
By exploring and highlighting our differences, conflict offers opportunity to develop more authentic relationship with the people with whom one is relating. Jesus is a penultimate example of one who chose compassion, of one who always chose to see the possibilities that lie beyond the present reality. When we choose compassion, we have no guarantee that our negotiating partner will also choose compassion, but we nevertheless open the door to possibility.
No matter whether the situation is as personal as a divorce or as as a commercial as a complex legal dispute, parties in authentic dialogue may discover more about themselves, about their own needs (or needs of their organization), and also about the other person (or negotiating partner) and their needs. Good conflict management empowers parties to focus on finding solutions and thinking toward the future. Additionally, the best solutions to conflict are not those imposed by outsiders, but those designed by the parties themselves.
Seen this way, it becomes apparent that conflict transformation is a different, and more hopeful, way of looking at and dealing with conflict. The old view was that conflict itself was seen as the “problem,” perhaps like an annoying fly, and the key goal was to get rid of the discomfort by shutting up the buzzing, the expression of conflict. The problem with this viewpoint is not only that stifling the expression of conflict doesn’t make the causes go away that were creating the symptoms. The parties remain conflicted at the root, causing deep and lasting damage to their relationships. Even more, this “all or nothing” viewpoint precludes the possibility of finding some other, better way of looking at and solving a problem.
How much better, then, the paradigm of conflict transformation in seeking to address root causes rather than symptoms. In a transformative type process, the parties are encouraged to explore their interests and needs and work together to find solutions that meet as many of those needs as possible. When viewed this way, the goal of Conflict Transformation is to provide a mechanism by which both parties may be enabled to work together to tackle their common problem: the problem of identifying the crucial interests of each and then finding a way to meet as many of those needs and interests as possible.
Divorcing spouses separate their lives and develop parenting plans without engaging in warfare. Parties to a commercial transaction negotiating at a bargaining table may discover new opportunities for engaging in business together. A church congregation heals division and becomes unified once again.
It is trite to call this a “win – win” solution. There is not always a way for every interest to be accommodated. But many conflicts can be resolved and most can be helped, and almost every conflict handled through mediation results in better understanding.
In summary, Conflict Transformation aims to provide a process, guided by a conflict resolution expert, which enables people and organizations to transform conflict into opportunity for pruning, growth, healing, and renewed vitality. Vitality not only in individual, healed relationships, but also in organizations and family systems which are restored to health and given tools to move forward in healthier, more balanced relationships.
[...] There are different styles of mediation. While our toolbox of conflict resolution skills has many tools, such as evaluative and facilitative styles of mediation, our signature style of mediation aims toward healing through transformation. This form of mediation doesn’t just aim to “settle a case” by sticking a bandage over top of a conflict. Rather, we aim to plow the furrow a bit more deeply, to seek to heal conflict at its root. To learn more about transformation of conflict, click HERE. [...]
CONFLICT TRANSFORMATION FOCUSES ON CHANGING ATTITUDES DEVELOPED OVER A CERTAIN PERIOD OF TIME, WHILST CONFLICT RESOLUTION DEALS WITH IMMEDIATE CAUSE OF THE CONFLICT
when conflict is transformed it is more likely no to occur again than when it is resolved
CONFLICT IS A MOTIVE FORCE FOR HISTORY.AN ACTION GEAR TOWARD BUILDING A CONCENSUS.CONFLICT IS AN INEVITABLE AND PERVASIVE INEXCAPEABLE PHENOMENA BUT MANY PEOPLE TEND TO LOOK AT IT AS DESTRUCTIVE,DISRUPTION,DISTRUCTIONAL AND REDUCTIONIST FROM A NEGATIVE PERSPECTIVE AND IT ONLY INVOLVES THE EXCHANGE OF PHYSICAL FORCE OR BLOW.IT IS AN INNATE INHERENT PHENOMENA IN HUMANBEING, IT COULD BE AT THE LEVEL OF INDIVIDUAL,NATIONAL AND INTERNATIONAL.TO AN AVERAGE CHINESE MAN IS AN OPTION OR OPPORTUNITY FOR TRANSFORMATION, CHANGE AND DEVELOPMENT.
[...] The goal is not simply to “resolve” conflict by putting a lid on it. Rather, the goal is conflict transformation: to transform the conflict into an opportunity for growth and [...]